Bosnia War Legacy Reduces Number of Mixed Marriages

Twenty years after the war in Bosnia and Herzegovina, the majority of young people don’t want to marry or date someone from a different ethnic group or religion, data suggests.

Vildana chose her life partner without taking into account that he was from a different ethnic group.

“He is a good and kind man, that’s all I care about. My parents didn’t mind either that I was marrying Ognjen and not Osman,” the 31-year-old from Sarajevo told BIRN.

“Religion is not important at all. We have similar views on life and life values. Truthfully, we are so happy in marriage that I don’t have time to think of these issues. We mark all holidays, this or that way – just so we can hang out and eat good food,” she said.

But many young people in Sarajevo do not agree, a recent survey suggested. From a total of one hundred students questioned in four faculties in Sarajevo, 45 said they would marry or have a relationship with a person from a different ethnicity or religion. Forty-two said they would, ten students said ‘maybe, while three declined to answer.

“The distribution of population caused by the war and the low percentage of returnees [to areas they fled during wartime where other ethnicities now dominate] is threatening to make this situation permanent. This is creating a low number of social contacts between different groups and leading to a low number of so-called mixed marriages,” Emirhafizovic said.

Mirza Emirhafizovic, a lecturer at the Sarajevo Faculty of Political Sciences, said that the percentage of mixed marriages has been reduced by wartime mass migrations which have redrawn the ethnic map of the country, meaning that different ethnicities do not mix socially as much as they did before.

Others said their parents would disown them or say things like “What did you bring into our house?”, “I would not be in a marriage with someone from a different religion since I don’t like them”, “Each bird should fly with its own flock”, or simply: “You are crazy!”Asked how their parents would react if they were dating or about to marry someone of a different religion, one of the students said that his mother and father would respond: “Son, they slaughtered us in the war.”

He said that the war and nationalistic rhetoric seriously threatened coexistence in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Mixed marriages are only likely now in larger towns or cities where there is more ethnic diversity, he added.

Two Christmases and two Easters

Unlike half of the students in the recent survey who said they believe that children from mixed marriages have a harder time in life because they are not accepted in Bosnian society, Dejan Djordjevic said he actually had a richer childhood because of his mixed roots.

Djordjevic’s mother is Catholic and his father is an Orthodox Serb. “In my house we celebrated both [Catholic and Orthodox] Christmases and Easters, but because my mother is an amazing cook, we also had baklava for Eid each year too,” he said.

His wife is also from a mixed marriage – part Catholic and part Muslim and he says the he plans to continue nurturing diversity in his home with his recently-born daughter.

“If my daughter decides to bring [someone of] a fourth religion or ethnicity into our home one day, he would be more then welcome. We will respect her choice. I want her to have a long life and happiness and to find a good man,” he said.

Some of the students in the survey said they thought a mixed marriage was unacceptable because the children would be confused about which religion to follow.

But a Sarajevo resident who wanted to be referred to by her initials, J.L., said that although she was born to a Muslim mother and an Orthodox Serb father, she never had this problem.

“Growing up in a home with two religions was not hard, because my parents did not practice, but I knew who was what. Holidays and customs from my mother’s side were more prevalent,” she said.

J.L. says that from an early age she felt the pull of the Muslim faith and has since married a Muslim.

“My father accepted this normally and I never had any issue with practicing my faith and customs. He even helps when I need him to,” she said, adding that children should be allowed to make their own choices.

Memories shape the future

The student survey highlighted how rigid, conservative morality and distrust of other ethnic groups still has the power to shape everyday life in Bosnia and Herzegovina, experts believe.

Sarajevo University professor Nerzuk Curak said that the survey did not offer much hope for increasing the percentage of mixed relationships in the country.

“You can count on arguments from people who still have strong memories of the war, and that is the main reason for the distrust towards mixed marriages,” Curak said.

He said that only reconciliation can change the way young people in the country choose their potential partners.

“If we can overcome the mythological belief that the other side is to blame for everything, than there is hope that future students will give other responses,” he concluded.

Experts claim it is strange that these young people – already adults in their own right – are making such lifestyle decisions affected by society and their parents prejudice. This proves the strength and triumph in Bosnia of the rigid, conservative ideology, expert say.

Sociologists hope that by overcoming the mythological belief that the “other side” is to blame for all crimes and wrongdoing, there is hope that future groups of students might have different answers.